A Personal Update

This morning, Heather and I cooperatively filed for divorce.  This eventuality is old news for some, expected by others, and out of the blue for the rest.  I have not been forthcoming with this information outside need-to-know situations for a variety of reasons, the primary one being that without any agreement between Heather and I for the terms of our separation, I didn't have any answers to give beyond the fact that we were separating.

The process of separating began 18 months ago (early summer '08), and while it's not yet over, it's now just a matter of waiting for the court system to crank it's cogs.  As of this weekend, we will no longer be living together, and the kids will split their time between our places.  Initially, there is a bias towards the kids being with Heather since I work and she does not.  The kids will alternate weekends with each one of us, plus they'll stay with me one night a week and a couple weeks each summer.  That yields a roughly 35/65 split, and will change over time.

During the past year and a half I have steadily become more and more frustrated with the situation (imagine that), and while I've done what I can to prevent that from affecting other things, I know I have been far from successful.  That is fair to no one, least of all the kids, and I'm happy that things have pretty much reached their conclusion.  Not that it's even close to all roses, but stability and predictability keep me sane, and starting next week, they will again be present in my life to a large degree.

Also, as many of you know, I have a skin affliction called Nummular Eczema.  The short version is that my white blood cells congregate in the vessels under my skin (rather than being distributed through my entire bloodstream) and irritate the hell out of it.  It isn't an overproduction of white blood cells, nor an autoimmune response, they just congregate when they're idle and destroy my skin.  Interestingly, when I was ill this fall, the irritation completely ceased until I was well again, when it came back full force.  Those were the most blissful days of being sick I've ever had.

In the past I've typically just lived with it, used lots of moisturizing lotion, and after a month or two it dissipated.  This outbreak, however, has lasted for six months at full force, resisting even the gnarly topical steroids I was prescribed.  I've recently started UVB irradiation (basically tanning, but with a very specific section of the spectrum) which seems to help significantly, though not without side effects.

I don't doubt that there is a correlation between the pending separation and my skin issues; stress is a causal (or at least contributing) agent for a wide variety of problems.  The conclusion of our separation and the corresponding state of limbo will reduce my stress levels significantly, and hopefully that will help my skin be less pissy.

The net of this is that as much as I've tried not to be, I have been an irritable asshole in a wide array of situations and to a similarly wide array of people.  I don't claim my situation as justification for that behaviour, but I'm as human as the next guy, and I haven't had the energy or emotional capacity to deal with adversity.  Please accept my apologies, especially since I've not provided any overt indication as to why I might be acting in that way, thereby leaving "Barney is an asshole" as a perfectly viable conclusion.  I'm not an asshole (or at least try not to be), but I've done a rather poor job for the past couple years.

Finally, there are a pile of people who have helped me keep my chin "up-ish", and a few that have done absolute wonders for keeping me sane (and safe) over the past months.  You know who you are, and you have my sincerest thanks.

I have disabled comments on this post for what are hopefully obvious reasons.  If you would like to chat, you can email me at bboisvert@gmail.com, use the contact form, or call/text/IM/visit/etc., whatever suits you best.  I've no reservations about talking and/or answering questions, just not in a comment thread.

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